Kill it with Kum-ba-yah…
Yeah, this was a pretty fucking awesome movie. Not sure if I’d call it horror, but it was on the right track and had many horror elements. My biggest problem is they totally pussied out on the ending… I’ll get more into that in the spoilers, but for the most part, the movie itself was pretty fucking good.
So, what did this movie have that made it so great? Atmosphere and TENSION. Oh my GOD, the fucking tension. This movie was on fucking point with its cerebral elements of suspense. At first I was worried that they were gonna start doing ‘Gladiator Moments,’ you know, the meaningless artsy scenes in Gladiator that were used to pad the movie? Then everything ties in with the general sense of mania that’s depicted throughout the movie. It’s really quite brilliant. That’s the difference between using artsy bullshit for padding and using it to support the plot; tying it all in.
The acting was pretty decent, as well. I mean, they weren’t all stellar. Their lead role was a bit hammy from time to time, but for the most part he did a decent job. Honestly, I think the best actor was the lady who played the medic. She should have likely been the lead, but then they’d have to drop a lot of the lead’s motivations and write something else in.
28 DAYS LATER IN SPACE!!!… sorta. There were elements from other horror sci-fi classics just as Aliens and even The Thing. But for the most part, the plot reflected 28 Days Later. Basically, a primordial biological organism infects humans with just a single drop of blood, then causes them to go absolutely ape-shit violent in only a few seconds. The only new element that they add is that you get to keep some of your cognitive functions for a little while. How long it takes to completely posses you is kind of a crap shoot. Generally, it’s three to thirty seconds, but for the main character and his primary antagonist, it’s just about two hours.
In any case, the full metamorphosis to a new life form takes quite a long time while the organism slowly replicates and takes over your body. So, even if you do manage to resist it up to the full two hours, at the end of those two hours, you cease to exist. Disappointingly, you never get to see a full metamorphoses, only little hints of it. I guess they didn’t want to go full Necromorph as the creators of Dead Space might sue.
I mean sure, it’s not very original, but what they did with multiple existing concepts was pretty fucking impressive.
And in the end, say it with me now, in my best Morbo impression… “THERE WERE NO SURV…” Wait, what? Everyone survives? Da fuck?!? So apparently, at the end of the movie, the lead character manages to convince primordial ooze that it’s following a failed evolutionary path, and it will ultimately end in its destruction. With the whole rescue team now dead, the main character kills himself to prevent the spread of the infection. Now trapped on the space station, the primordial ooze realizes the error of its ways and resurrects the whole crew by replicating them…
Excuse me, what?!? What the fuck?!? So you’re telling me that a biological organism, that is the equivalent of pond scum, is some how going to develop the capacity to make rational life choices? The fuck?!? I mean, they try to hang a lantern on it by suggesting that this organism is slowly learning from the people it’s assimilated, but come-the-fuck-on man. It goes from trying to establish the most dominant organism it can identify, to piece love, and flower wreaths. Fuck. You. Man…
So that’s not the only place they fuck up the ending. The team gets back to home base, right? Now technically they were all dead, so in order to try this new evolutionary path, the lifeforms had to completely replicate them in order to bring them back to life. Now there’s this REALLY fucking tense moment went the rescue team is going through quarantine and everyone is kinda freaking the fuck out. Now here I am thinking that the director is going to make up for his kum-ba-yah bullshit ending, and prove a point by having the rescue team incinerated when they don’t pass decontamination… but no! They pass, the whole team lives and the main character gets to go home to see his wife. What kind of fucking ending is that?!? That’s the kind of writing I expect if you have no fucking sack.
Now don’t get me wrong. This movie is worth it. But if you want, when the organism resurrects the rescue team, just turn it off and make up your own ending.