McGuffin with Legs…
Alright, I’ll give the movie this much, the three main sisters might have been obnoxiously cast as the typical useless female leads but it was balanced by the fact that all the characters were useless, frantic ninnies. So they weren’t discriminating against the “Weaker Sex” per say. Instead they just made every character so obnoxiously feeble, by the end, you pretty much want them all to die.
However, one of the sisters wasn’t really much of a character, rather a ‘McGuffin With Legs.’ Her only purpose is to wander off, inexplicably, disappearing without logic or reason. Oh sure they try to hang a lantern on it by explaining she does it all the time, but it never makes any fucking sense. She doesn’t just wander off, she just fucking vanishes like a goddamn fart in the wind! If the camera is off her for more than ten seconds, ‘poof’ -fucking Houdini- she’s enters a god damn shadow dimension. Without too much of a spoiler, most of this movie is just the two sisters getting everyone else killed by searching for their McGuffin sister.
Look, isn’t there another way to get the characters to venture out of safety rather than wasting some actress’ career on being a useless plot device? *sigh*
Not only are the characters pretty annoying but the acting is pretty crappy. On the other hand the atmosphere is just right, which is good because it really helps showcase the creature. Unfortunately the story is forgettable so not much to speak of there. Something about unfairly burning witches or some shit. In any case, there’s not much here besides a really cool looking monster. But even a really cool looking monster can’t save shit this bad.
Fuck this movie…
Okay, look, one fucking redneck with a shotgun backed this thing up and got it to flee. Granted, I get that it can’t be outright killed by one redneck with a shotgun, but it doesn’t seem like much of a threat to, Iduhfuckingknow, A BARRACK FULL OF FUCKING COPS ARMED TO THE GOD DAMN TEETH! And yet, some-fucking-how, they make a specific point of showcasing a bunch of dead cops who had shot all their ammunition dry. Excuse me, what? Look, if the one redneck with a shotgun can back this thing up INTO RETREAT, clearly five fully loaded police officers would have done just fine doing the same. Not to mention, this town seems pretty redneckey, soooooo how the fuck didn’t the town do a better job of holding this creature off? Sure, killing off a diner full of unarmed senior? I can respect that. Even wiping out a grocer full of able bodied, yet unarmed patrons? I can get behind it. Barrack of cops armed to the teeth in a town full of gun happy rednecks… not so much.
Look, this thing is clearly more of a stealth killer, praying on the week, and singling out the strong. And they make a point of showing that it’s not stupid. It tries to use one woman as bate for fuck sake.
And speaking of a cleaver hunter. They make a HUGE point of mentioning that this thing has all the needed earthly senses to hunt, and make a BIG deal about staying quiet so it has a hard time finding them while they’re hiding… and these three fucking sisters can NEVER seem to get it through their thick fucking skulls to SHUT THE FUCK UP! There’s this one scene where they damn near rescue this one woman. So close to actually saving someone, but FUCKING NOPE! They just start screaming like a pare of mindless twats. Mind you, the whole time this poor woman is begging them to be quiet because, you know, she isn’t a total fucking moron. And what fucking happens? Lunch time.
How fucking hard is it? The one fucking rule established from the get-go. You CAN hide from this thing if you JUST BE QUIET! Fuck man. After about thirty minutes of that crap you just hope this thing swings in and kills everybody.
Now again, the monster is pretty cool, but it’s the only thing about this movie. They showcase a good creature and even though it’s clearly CGI they wasted no expense on it. It looks good. Damn good. I loved the fucking thing really. Still, can’t run the whole movie on just one good creature concept.
Can’t give this one my approval. You can skip it.